trampoline of creative chaos

6:31 AM // Day 7

Meditation Time: 14min.

    All the things I want to do are acting like kids on a trampoline... boing, boing, boing! "Pick me, pick me" they all say. I do want to pick them ALL - and at the same time of course. As a creative creature I get easily overwhelmed by all the 'so much's' pushing to get in. I do want them ALL, and I want to run away from them too. Often I feel like I won't be able to handle even one thing, because I can't separate the "one" thing from all the things.

  Creating this blog, has been a little like doing - one more thing that I don't really NEED to be doing. I could easily be busy for the rest of my life, just focusing on poetry and accessing the heart through creativity. But, here's the truth:

  That "one more thing I don't really NEED to be doing" statement I made earlier - is a total lie. It's a lie because as I've been doing it (this daily meditation thing and blogging about it thing), it has become evident to me there ARE some things I NEED, and this practice of connecting to my quiet, warm, buzzy place is essential to managing my trampoline of ideas that will never go away. 

  Yes - creative ideas and "opportunities" are like having a trampoline full of children that always want to play and often need to eat and all want your attention and all at the same time and then they get dirty and they need a bath and then they want to go back on the trampoline again and if you haven't had any sleep you're absolutely one hundred thousand percent doomed. 

  Meditation is like sleep. It's an intentional act of loving - loving for the sake of restoring - balancing - inviting - and deep deep resting. 

  As I've been meditating this week I have definitely become more calm about things. More willing to keep putting one foot in front of another in a very non-dramatic, non-doomsday kind of way. A steady way... 

  An all right way. 


* Tell me about your creative chaos? What does it look like, sound like, feel like.... how do you help yourself rest when it consumes you? 


Rewind to Day 6
Fast Forward to Day 8 

the akka channel ? ? ?

5:48 AM // DAY 4 

Meditation Time: 1 Hour and 1 Minute

  I second guessed myself yesterday after going live with this blog. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING AKKA??? I mean, not only do I have to meditate every morning like I said I would, but now I have to write every morning too?! Not to mention I have just let the whole world virtually walk in on my most sacred time, my most intimate self-time. What kind of a weirdo am I? Despite my confidence proceeding a launch - every time I actually go public with something new, I have all the thoughts that make me human and make me feel exposed and ridiculous for trying. But the good news is... I'm getting used to the - I can do anything - I can't do anything - F*%k it I'm gonna do anything anyway (because that's what I signed up for and I'm not backing down) rhythm, that rides in the saddle of all I do. 

  Did anything I just wrote make any sense? 

  Meditation this morning... LOVE! I slipped into my sitting place and heard myself tell myself over and over again, LET GO, Let Go, You Can't Control Any Of This Anyway So Just Let Go.... And I did, more than any of the other proceeding days. I felt the buttery feeling I've been hoping for. My body softened like it had been slurping up mid-morning sun, but it wasn't hot, it was silky. An hour passed - it felt like 22 minutes. 

  Then I climbed back under my Saturday morning covers and had the most luxurious sleep I've had in months. I slept till 9AM!!!! A miracle. 

  I'm totally into miracles.

Rewind to Day 3
Fast Forward to Day 5