storm

Mid-Morning // Day 11

Meditation Time: Not Long Enough (10 or 12 minutes)

  The weather people predicted a storm in Southern California and they sure did get one!! I was raging since first light and I think there may have been a little rain too... 

  Pissed at the weather - not because there was some, but because there wasn't enough. Then my space was driving me crazy - particularly everything, but most particularly my meditation/writing/sleeping space. Overwhelmed completely by my "stuff." (I mean that figuratively and literally of course). Feelings like - I CAN'T DO IT ALL and I HAVE TO DO IT ALL!! Feeling trapped by too much coming at me, even though lots of it has to do with my dreams coming true. Tired of moving things around to make them temporarily feel fixed - I WANT AN ENTIRE OVERHAUL, INSIDE OUT, UPSIDE DOWN, CLEAN IT UP, MOVE IT OUT, MAKE IT WORK - DAY OF RECKONING! 

  But not until after I have a cry in my robe on the kitchen floor... 

Me in my robe crying on the kitchen floor.

   
  To be continued...


Rewind to Day 10
Fast Forward to Day 12

trampoline of creative chaos

6:31 AM // Day 7

Meditation Time: 14min.

    All the things I want to do are acting like kids on a trampoline... boing, boing, boing! "Pick me, pick me" they all say. I do want to pick them ALL - and at the same time of course. As a creative creature I get easily overwhelmed by all the 'so much's' pushing to get in. I do want them ALL, and I want to run away from them too. Often I feel like I won't be able to handle even one thing, because I can't separate the "one" thing from all the things.

  Creating this blog, has been a little like doing - one more thing that I don't really NEED to be doing. I could easily be busy for the rest of my life, just focusing on poetry and accessing the heart through creativity. But, here's the truth:

  That "one more thing I don't really NEED to be doing" statement I made earlier - is a total lie. It's a lie because as I've been doing it (this daily meditation thing and blogging about it thing), it has become evident to me there ARE some things I NEED, and this practice of connecting to my quiet, warm, buzzy place is essential to managing my trampoline of ideas that will never go away. 

  Yes - creative ideas and "opportunities" are like having a trampoline full of children that always want to play and often need to eat and all want your attention and all at the same time and then they get dirty and they need a bath and then they want to go back on the trampoline again and if you haven't had any sleep you're absolutely one hundred thousand percent doomed. 

  Meditation is like sleep. It's an intentional act of loving - loving for the sake of restoring - balancing - inviting - and deep deep resting. 

  As I've been meditating this week I have definitely become more calm about things. More willing to keep putting one foot in front of another in a very non-dramatic, non-doomsday kind of way. A steady way... 

  An all right way. 


* Tell me about your creative chaos? What does it look like, sound like, feel like.... how do you help yourself rest when it consumes you? 


Rewind to Day 6
Fast Forward to Day 8