the way it is, is the way it's meant to be

6:09 AM // Day 23 

Meditation Time: 29 min. 

  Observation: I'm becoming more sensitized to over-stimulation. The other day I vowed to get off the internet for 36 hours. That's a long time in my world. Blogging, Facebooking, emailing and research keeps me pretty well hooked-up throughout the day. Every single one of those activities is a pull outside myself. Maybe I'm not 'traveling to other worlds' in my mediation yet, because first I am meant to become hyper aware of the world I am in now. What works and what is out of balance. 

  Attempting to sit still in the morning is in total juxtaposition to the fragmenting that happens through the overuse of technology. Putting myself 'out there' on the internet opens a gigantic door of access - not just for me to the world, but the world to me. It's wonderful, as I am connected to amazing people and information that I could have never imagined 10 years ago. But if I'm not taking care of myself, not resting or eating regularly, getting exercise etc. my ability to remain detached from all the stimulus - weakens, and I find it harder and harder to access my own thoughts, heart and the intuition I rely on for my work.

  I gave myself a gift. Over the past 42 hours I have not stepped onto the internet once. Paying attention to just me; I cleaned my space, did piles of laundry, napped, went to the chiropractor, made art, took baths, cooked a real meal with my daughter and read a book! 

  I also began to feel new things.  Valuing myself and my own time just a little, made me realize how much I haven't be valuing myself enough at all. Focused on giving other people an experience of poetry or art or heart or help or my time - I forget to give myself those things first. I do that a lot. Tears welled in me over this today. I began reflecting on all the areas of my life where I haven't given myself value and what ended up manifesting in the world, work or through relationships in order to reflect back what is sometimes hard to see without a mirror. 

whoa - heavy

  Meditation has not been a super bliss ball for me yet. It's been pleasant, but not tremendously sensual. The changes occurring are subtle and not so subtle, my life is waking up. I'm being made to look at the little pockets of discomfort or imbalance so easily ignored when just going through the motions of everyday - day to day to day to day existence. 

  The challenge is staying with it and trusting that the way it is, is the way it's meant to be. 

Rewind to Day 22

trampoline of creative chaos

6:31 AM // Day 7

Meditation Time: 14min.

    All the things I want to do are acting like kids on a trampoline... boing, boing, boing! "Pick me, pick me" they all say. I do want to pick them ALL - and at the same time of course. As a creative creature I get easily overwhelmed by all the 'so much's' pushing to get in. I do want them ALL, and I want to run away from them too. Often I feel like I won't be able to handle even one thing, because I can't separate the "one" thing from all the things.

  Creating this blog, has been a little like doing - one more thing that I don't really NEED to be doing. I could easily be busy for the rest of my life, just focusing on poetry and accessing the heart through creativity. But, here's the truth:

  That "one more thing I don't really NEED to be doing" statement I made earlier - is a total lie. It's a lie because as I've been doing it (this daily meditation thing and blogging about it thing), it has become evident to me there ARE some things I NEED, and this practice of connecting to my quiet, warm, buzzy place is essential to managing my trampoline of ideas that will never go away. 

  Yes - creative ideas and "opportunities" are like having a trampoline full of children that always want to play and often need to eat and all want your attention and all at the same time and then they get dirty and they need a bath and then they want to go back on the trampoline again and if you haven't had any sleep you're absolutely one hundred thousand percent doomed. 

  Meditation is like sleep. It's an intentional act of loving - loving for the sake of restoring - balancing - inviting - and deep deep resting. 

  As I've been meditating this week I have definitely become more calm about things. More willing to keep putting one foot in front of another in a very non-dramatic, non-doomsday kind of way. A steady way... 

  An all right way. 


* Tell me about your creative chaos? What does it look like, sound like, feel like.... how do you help yourself rest when it consumes you? 


Rewind to Day 6
Fast Forward to Day 8