the way it is, is the way it's meant to be

6:09 AM // Day 23 

Meditation Time: 29 min. 

  Observation: I'm becoming more sensitized to over-stimulation. The other day I vowed to get off the internet for 36 hours. That's a long time in my world. Blogging, Facebooking, emailing and research keeps me pretty well hooked-up throughout the day. Every single one of those activities is a pull outside myself. Maybe I'm not 'traveling to other worlds' in my mediation yet, because first I am meant to become hyper aware of the world I am in now. What works and what is out of balance. 

  Attempting to sit still in the morning is in total juxtaposition to the fragmenting that happens through the overuse of technology. Putting myself 'out there' on the internet opens a gigantic door of access - not just for me to the world, but the world to me. It's wonderful, as I am connected to amazing people and information that I could have never imagined 10 years ago. But if I'm not taking care of myself, not resting or eating regularly, getting exercise etc. my ability to remain detached from all the stimulus - weakens, and I find it harder and harder to access my own thoughts, heart and the intuition I rely on for my work.

  I gave myself a gift. Over the past 42 hours I have not stepped onto the internet once. Paying attention to just me; I cleaned my space, did piles of laundry, napped, went to the chiropractor, made art, took baths, cooked a real meal with my daughter and read a book! 

  I also began to feel new things.  Valuing myself and my own time just a little, made me realize how much I haven't be valuing myself enough at all. Focused on giving other people an experience of poetry or art or heart or help or my time - I forget to give myself those things first. I do that a lot. Tears welled in me over this today. I began reflecting on all the areas of my life where I haven't given myself value and what ended up manifesting in the world, work or through relationships in order to reflect back what is sometimes hard to see without a mirror. 

whoa - heavy

  Meditation has not been a super bliss ball for me yet. It's been pleasant, but not tremendously sensual. The changes occurring are subtle and not so subtle, my life is waking up. I'm being made to look at the little pockets of discomfort or imbalance so easily ignored when just going through the motions of everyday - day to day to day to day existence. 

  The challenge is staying with it and trusting that the way it is, is the way it's meant to be. 

Rewind to Day 22

giving self-time

6:14 AM // Day 13

Meditation Time: 29min. 

  There are millions of ways to approach meditation. Okay, maybe not millions, but definitely lots. I've tried several handfuls of these ways over the years and I can safely say "lots" of them work really effectively. Mantra repetition, conscious breathing techniques, visualization, imaginiZation, thought watching, counting, chanting and yoga can all be used as ways to enter the space of nothing/somethingness. But since rejuvenating my daily practice recently, I haven't given a second thought to using any one of these techniques.

  They DO work! And I know my experience would be enhanced if I applied them. But right now I find myself celebrating the pure act of getting out of bed, lighting a candle - sometimes a little incense, sitting in a leg pretzel/back straight position and closing my eyes. That's all I've been ready to ask of myself so far. It's been just right, and I've been committed to it everyday since I said I would, and my life is really changing because of it. But this morning I did think I might be ready to introduce a little more structure... I may be ready to go deeper. If not that, at least sit up a little straighter.

  Stay tuned...

When you goof up drawing meditation legs, it's easy to turn them into a heart mountain with a flower growing out...

Rewind to Day 12
Fast Forward to Day 14 

 

i guess i feel naked again

After 9 AM // Day 9

Meditation Time: I don't know

It's the naked feeling I get when I begin something new. 

In this case it didn't begin in the beginning, it began on day 9. 

Hello day 9. 

How uncomfortable you are!

You, in relation to the world. 

Me - in relation to the world, actually.

Why are your eyes going in so many directions akka?

Day 9. 

Is anyone watching? 

Is no one watching? 

What are the watching or the not watching wondering? 

Is it very interesting to be watching and wondering?

Or wondering what you're watching?

Or watching what you're watching?

Or watching what I am wondering about what you are watching? 

I guess I feel naked again

Under all these complicated layers of watching and not watching 
I've been watching myself watch myself watching. 

It feels like someone else is watching. 

But I guess it's just me. Or...? 

Rewind to Day 8
Fast Forward to Day 10