the akka channel ? ? ?

5:48 AM // DAY 4 

Meditation Time: 1 Hour and 1 Minute

  I second guessed myself yesterday after going live with this blog. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING AKKA??? I mean, not only do I have to meditate every morning like I said I would, but now I have to write every morning too?! Not to mention I have just let the whole world virtually walk in on my most sacred time, my most intimate self-time. What kind of a weirdo am I? Despite my confidence proceeding a launch - every time I actually go public with something new, I have all the thoughts that make me human and make me feel exposed and ridiculous for trying. But the good news is... I'm getting used to the - I can do anything - I can't do anything - F*%k it I'm gonna do anything anyway (because that's what I signed up for and I'm not backing down) rhythm, that rides in the saddle of all I do. 

  Did anything I just wrote make any sense? 

  Meditation this morning... LOVE! I slipped into my sitting place and heard myself tell myself over and over again, LET GO, Let Go, You Can't Control Any Of This Anyway So Just Let Go.... And I did, more than any of the other proceeding days. I felt the buttery feeling I've been hoping for. My body softened like it had been slurping up mid-morning sun, but it wasn't hot, it was silky. An hour passed - it felt like 22 minutes. 

  Then I climbed back under my Saturday morning covers and had the most luxurious sleep I've had in months. I slept till 9AM!!!! A miracle. 

  I'm totally into miracles.

Rewind to Day 3
Fast Forward to Day 5