Mid-Morning // Day 11
Meditation Time: Not Long Enough (10 or 12 minutes)
The weather people predicted a storm in Southern California and they sure did get one!! I was raging since first light and I think there may have been a little rain too...
Pissed at the weather - not because there was some, but because there wasn't enough. Then my space was driving me crazy - particularly everything, but most particularly my meditation/writing/sleeping space. Overwhelmed completely by my "stuff." (I mean that figuratively and literally of course). Feelings like - I CAN'T DO IT ALL and I HAVE TO DO IT ALL!! Feeling trapped by too much coming at me, even though lots of it has to do with my dreams coming true. Tired of moving things around to make them temporarily feel fixed - I WANT AN ENTIRE OVERHAUL, INSIDE OUT, UPSIDE DOWN, CLEAN IT UP, MOVE IT OUT, MAKE IT WORK - DAY OF RECKONING!
But not until after I have a cry in my robe on the kitchen floor...
 | |
| Me in my robe crying on the kitchen floor. |
To be continued...
Rewind to Day 10
Fast Forward to Day 12
Hi Akka. Just heard about your blog. I see you have the feeling of being overwhelmed with all that you have to do today. I have been struggling with that myself and am getting better at handling it. I have discovered that the solution is to keep meditating and gradually become more present, so that each activity is simply happening in the present and the sense of the future, of "other" things to do -- which are all illusory -- go away. Then you can enjoy the moment. The more present you become, the more freedom you have. Also this requires getting past the fear of doership. Truly, all you can do is one thing at a time; even multitasking; it all happens in bite sized present moment pieces. At first when making an effort to be really focused on one thing at a time, it can feel like your whole life is ending or that you are trapped in the moment. However, grace takes you beyond this as you become accustomed to it and you feel comfortable being in the moment doing one thing at a time -- at least this is how it has been for me. The mind just creates the feeling of so much to do, which is so overwhelming it becomes a physical sensation. If you break every action down to one thing at a time, it becomes easier to do each thing. I have found that after consciously doing one thing at a time for a long time, gradually it has come to the point where I feel I am basically doing nothing while simultaneously doing something, even when acting. It is really nice. Also becoming detached from the fruits of actions and doing everything just to do it makes for a lot of freedom. Eventually, there is something that happens from meditating where the feeling of being dragged into the next action, which creates the feeling of having too much to do, goes away and you are just being while doing each action. This takes surrender though, because your mind thinks that you are the doer and therefore you have to stress out about everything, that there won't be enough time, etc. These are all things to get past. Meditation should show you that you aren't the doer. I hope this helps. Maybe you already have this experience; just sharing.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Omkar. Wisdom. Stress definitely works collaboratively with "doership." Surrender is a huge theme this year, and addressing one thing at a time is key. I find trust is essential. Thank you so much for sharing... :)
Deletetry this website for words of peace to calm and center, www.wopg.org
ReplyDeleteThank you Muse Mother - will have a look. : )
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