did meditation clean my room?

6:16 AM // Day 12

Meditation Time: 28min. 

SOMETHING PROFOUND HAPPENED 

(please read yesterdays post, then read this one all the way to the bottom)

 *Sharing snippets of my daily life is relevant to this meditation experiment; I want to break stagnant sludgy patterns that keep me from living my best, most complete, fullest honey dripping, bliss chasing, crowd rousing, dance happy life.......SO. 

  So if I notice my life changing during the course of this daily meditation ritual/experiment of waking up at absurd hours, sitting up straight with my eyes closed and breathing in funny ways, then I'm going to make note of it.

THIS IS A CONTINUATION FROM YESTERDAY'S POST

  I took nearly EVERYTHING out of my room... peeled my 12-year-old daughter off the computer so we could take nearly everything out of her room too! All day was spent shoving furniture around, emptying book shelves, dusting everywhere, sweeping, folding, rethinking and reawakening our personal space. 

  Late last night as I was pulling back together the sweet details of my surroundings... I paused. My heart was tingling, my eyes were smiling, I was experiencing a state of expansion like I remember when I was 18 and life was before me and I was painting it the way I wanted and having hope. Making space for myself to function correctly is a reclamation of hope. 

  Life isn't out of our power. We shape it all the time by what we do, or don't do. When our heart breaks it's easy to give up pieces of the hope we are born with. When it breaks repeatedly, we give up more pieces. We give up lots of things. But I think hope might be the most dangerous.

  Is it too early to say meditation is helping me recollect the pieces? Is it meditation? Or is it my commitment to meditation? Offering time to myself everyday; could it be causing me to care more? Could it be causing me to become more aware of that which blocks me from caring more? 

hmn...

Rewind to Day 11

Fast Forward to Day 13

storm

Mid-Morning // Day 11

Meditation Time: Not Long Enough (10 or 12 minutes)

  The weather people predicted a storm in Southern California and they sure did get one!! I was raging since first light and I think there may have been a little rain too... 

  Pissed at the weather - not because there was some, but because there wasn't enough. Then my space was driving me crazy - particularly everything, but most particularly my meditation/writing/sleeping space. Overwhelmed completely by my "stuff." (I mean that figuratively and literally of course). Feelings like - I CAN'T DO IT ALL and I HAVE TO DO IT ALL!! Feeling trapped by too much coming at me, even though lots of it has to do with my dreams coming true. Tired of moving things around to make them temporarily feel fixed - I WANT AN ENTIRE OVERHAUL, INSIDE OUT, UPSIDE DOWN, CLEAN IT UP, MOVE IT OUT, MAKE IT WORK - DAY OF RECKONING! 

  But not until after I have a cry in my robe on the kitchen floor... 

Me in my robe crying on the kitchen floor.

   
  To be continued...


Rewind to Day 10
Fast Forward to Day 12

sipping on it

6:03 AM // Day 2

Meditation Time: 30 min. 

  So super yummy cozy in bed this morning, my body wrapped in dreams and needing extra sleep. I hit the pillow before midnight (I think) which is pretty good for me, but it also lends me a solid excuse for talking myself out of meditation in the early hours. I heard myself say "I can't" but quickly managed to change it to, "I can." And I did eventually, but not without first promising myself a cuppa tea. 

  Note to self: Drink ALL your tea before engaging in meditative activities, otherwise your one pointedness on deep, still, profound inner things will undoubtedly be interrupted by thoughts of hot milky sweet tea growing cold on the hutch at your side.

MeditaTEAng

  Observation: My shoulders were tight, I couldn't stop writing blog posts in my head and when I lit my candle this morning, I was hyper aware of how much desk clutter I had to dig through to find my lighter and the small piles of dust that really aren't serving me.  

  But ya know what? It's all okay, because ya know why? When I did finally sit down at 6:03AM, hot tea distractions, clutter piles, lack of sleep and all - THERE WAS A SMILE ON MY FACE GLOWING FROM EAR TO EAR!  I got there, I was sitting in place, I was giving it to myself. Two days in a row!

Do you know what an accomplishment that is? 

No small steps here, that's what I say. 

Cheers! 

Rewind to Day 1
Fast forward to Day 3