giving self-time

6:14 AM // Day 13

Meditation Time: 29min. 

  There are millions of ways to approach meditation. Okay, maybe not millions, but definitely lots. I've tried several handfuls of these ways over the years and I can safely say "lots" of them work really effectively. Mantra repetition, conscious breathing techniques, visualization, imaginiZation, thought watching, counting, chanting and yoga can all be used as ways to enter the space of nothing/somethingness. But since rejuvenating my daily practice recently, I haven't given a second thought to using any one of these techniques.

  They DO work! And I know my experience would be enhanced if I applied them. But right now I find myself celebrating the pure act of getting out of bed, lighting a candle - sometimes a little incense, sitting in a leg pretzel/back straight position and closing my eyes. That's all I've been ready to ask of myself so far. It's been just right, and I've been committed to it everyday since I said I would, and my life is really changing because of it. But this morning I did think I might be ready to introduce a little more structure... I may be ready to go deeper. If not that, at least sit up a little straighter.

  Stay tuned...

When you goof up drawing meditation legs, it's easy to turn them into a heart mountain with a flower growing out...

Rewind to Day 12
Fast Forward to Day 14 

 

did meditation clean my room?

6:16 AM // Day 12

Meditation Time: 28min. 

SOMETHING PROFOUND HAPPENED 

(please read yesterdays post, then read this one all the way to the bottom)

 *Sharing snippets of my daily life is relevant to this meditation experiment; I want to break stagnant sludgy patterns that keep me from living my best, most complete, fullest honey dripping, bliss chasing, crowd rousing, dance happy life.......SO. 

  So if I notice my life changing during the course of this daily meditation ritual/experiment of waking up at absurd hours, sitting up straight with my eyes closed and breathing in funny ways, then I'm going to make note of it.

THIS IS A CONTINUATION FROM YESTERDAY'S POST

  I took nearly EVERYTHING out of my room... peeled my 12-year-old daughter off the computer so we could take nearly everything out of her room too! All day was spent shoving furniture around, emptying book shelves, dusting everywhere, sweeping, folding, rethinking and reawakening our personal space. 

  Late last night as I was pulling back together the sweet details of my surroundings... I paused. My heart was tingling, my eyes were smiling, I was experiencing a state of expansion like I remember when I was 18 and life was before me and I was painting it the way I wanted and having hope. Making space for myself to function correctly is a reclamation of hope. 

  Life isn't out of our power. We shape it all the time by what we do, or don't do. When our heart breaks it's easy to give up pieces of the hope we are born with. When it breaks repeatedly, we give up more pieces. We give up lots of things. But I think hope might be the most dangerous.

  Is it too early to say meditation is helping me recollect the pieces? Is it meditation? Or is it my commitment to meditation? Offering time to myself everyday; could it be causing me to care more? Could it be causing me to become more aware of that which blocks me from caring more? 

hmn...

Rewind to Day 11

Fast Forward to Day 13

storm

Mid-Morning // Day 11

Meditation Time: Not Long Enough (10 or 12 minutes)

  The weather people predicted a storm in Southern California and they sure did get one!! I was raging since first light and I think there may have been a little rain too... 

  Pissed at the weather - not because there was some, but because there wasn't enough. Then my space was driving me crazy - particularly everything, but most particularly my meditation/writing/sleeping space. Overwhelmed completely by my "stuff." (I mean that figuratively and literally of course). Feelings like - I CAN'T DO IT ALL and I HAVE TO DO IT ALL!! Feeling trapped by too much coming at me, even though lots of it has to do with my dreams coming true. Tired of moving things around to make them temporarily feel fixed - I WANT AN ENTIRE OVERHAUL, INSIDE OUT, UPSIDE DOWN, CLEAN IT UP, MOVE IT OUT, MAKE IT WORK - DAY OF RECKONING! 

  But not until after I have a cry in my robe on the kitchen floor... 

Me in my robe crying on the kitchen floor.

   
  To be continued...


Rewind to Day 10
Fast Forward to Day 12

message in my bottle

6:36 AM // Day 10

Meditation Time: 23min. 

  

  All I can remember were my dreams - vaguely. Dream time last night was all about receiving messages... about people, from people, about myself, the world in general, things to do, places to go, words to remember - a flowing river of information. Messages kept popping up in my "inbox."

  Meditation this morning was spent attempting to file all the information that landed on me last night. I'm not sure if my file can hold all this.

  Sometimes my dreams are like meditation. Sometimes my meditations are like a dream.


Rewind to Day 9
Fast Forward to Day 11 

 

i guess i feel naked again

After 9 AM // Day 9

Meditation Time: I don't know

It's the naked feeling I get when I begin something new. 

In this case it didn't begin in the beginning, it began on day 9. 

Hello day 9. 

How uncomfortable you are!

You, in relation to the world. 

Me - in relation to the world, actually.

Why are your eyes going in so many directions akka?

Day 9. 

Is anyone watching? 

Is no one watching? 

What are the watching or the not watching wondering? 

Is it very interesting to be watching and wondering?

Or wondering what you're watching?

Or watching what you're watching?

Or watching what I am wondering about what you are watching? 

I guess I feel naked again

Under all these complicated layers of watching and not watching 
I've been watching myself watch myself watching. 

It feels like someone else is watching. 

But I guess it's just me. Or...? 

Rewind to Day 8
Fast Forward to Day 10